Anyone that knows me, knows how much I can’t stand going to the neighborhood Barber Shop. Don’t get the wrong idea, I’m not referring to MY neighborhood Barber Shop, I’m talking about any and every neighborhood Barber Shop. They are routinely filled with people who know little about a lot or a lot about a little, but somehow manage to voice their loud and wrong opinions about every subject imaginable.  So here I’ve decided to share with you some of the random moments and comments I’ve bared witness to over the years. Some are hilarious, some are cringe worthy and some are just plain dumb.

1. The “How Many Have you Had?” conversation: Yeah, so I’m sitting in the chair getting my hair cut as usual and a conversation quickly breaks out about how many sex partners everyone has had. Random numbers are flying from every corner of the room.  I hear 20+, 30+, 45 and some have even said numbers as high as 70+.  Now normally, I make it my business to mind my business in barber shop conversations. Mainly because I feel that my logic and reason will not be a welcome addition to the festivities at hand.  This time I found it particularly baffling.  Let’s get this straight . . . these barbers are claiming numbers that are pretty high. Maybe I’m naive, but either women’s standards are piss poor or these barbers are hitting everything with a hole (Just saying).

2. The “I’m committing a statutory rape and am mad at my victim for being childish” conversation: Yeah so, I’m sitting in the chair getting my hair cut as usual when the front desk attendant is sweeping up the hair around my station.  The ensuing conversation goes as follows:

My Barber: “You still messin wit that lil Leon thang?”

Sweeper Creepster: “Yeah man but she be actin real immature”

For those of you that don’t know, Leon HIGH SCHOOL is one of the local HIGH SCHOOLS in the Tallahassee Area.  The guy named “Sweeper Creepster” is at the very least 27 or 28 years old.  Hey Sweeper Creepster, guess what . . . if your love interest just got her period within the last 3 years, she isn’t “acting immature” she’s acting her age.  I won’t bother sharing the rest of the conversation as you can probably imagine at this point just how awkward I was sitting in the barber’s chair . . . staring off in the distance.

3. My barber admits to me that he’s thinking about getting a divorce because marriage isn’t for him.  No further explanation needed, awkward as hell.

4. Random lady walks into the barber shop selling cupcakes and brownies.  She’s a sweet old lady and politely ask everyone if they’d like to buy some baked goods to support her church (I think she was hustlin for personal gain, but I’m a skeptic so don’t mind me). Before anyone in the shop can answer her, one guy yells out “Nah I’m good on that shit, I’m a Vegetarian”.

5. Guy steals a haircut: Yeah so I’m sitting in the barber shop getting my hair cut as usual. This time there’s a guy there sitting in the very first chair in the shop. He seems very personable and outgoing, he’s sparked a conversation and everyone seems to be enjoying his company. As soon as he’s done, he stands up from the chair and takes a big stretch, reaches down into his pocket as if he’s ready to pay the barber and RUNS OUT OF THE FRONT DOOR OF THE SHOP.  He stole a hair cut. Priceless.

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